In high school I went through this real weird poetry phase...I blame Mrs. Esplin. Anyway, during that time I decided that expressing my feelings was a whole lot easier on paper. So I averaged about a poem a week. I know, who even knew I had that many feelings! Not me! Anyway, I had lost the notebook... or just could not find it when Saryn wanted to put one of the poems I had written in her poetry portfolio. I was rather upset about it because it had acted as my journal during my senior year of high school, and it was just gone. Since that time I have searched everywhere in my house for that notebook...no where to be found. This last weekend when I was home (more on that later) I found a random box that had my name on it when I was rummaging through the crawl space under the family room. I opened it up...and WALA (is that how you spell that?) there was my notebook!!
Well I have been going through all the poems today and typing them up so I can keep them all in the same place and I came across this one. Those of you who knew me in high school, this will make sense. But if not...it is still an awesome poem! ;)
I don’t know what I want
I just know how I feel inside
I really want something to happen…
But do I want you by my side?
Asking you to trust me again
Is more than I can do
And who’s to say that if I did,
Again I just might hurt you.
It would be rather selfish
And probably more than you could stand
If we got back together,
and again, I gave away your hand.
At this pivotal time in my life
I will try to continue on
But without you here with me
I feel like everything is gone
Talk about dramatic! haha Reading through this, I remember exactly how I was feeling and how I felt like my life was resting on this one decision I could make. Now, I can not figure out for the life of me why something as small as it was had me tossing and turning at night, and not being able to focus on anything! I think this will be good for me to look back on when I am raising my own kids and say, "Remember what it is like to be a teenager Kendra. Stuff like this really matters to them."
But as for my own life, thank goodness for growing up and maturing...a little bit... since then! :)